I don't often (or at all) post things that could be considered controversial, mostly because I don't like getting into arguments with people and, sadly, most people I meet are incapable of having a discussion rather than an argument. I was raised in a household where someone always took the other side of an issue; we had domestic debates on a regular basis. Imagine my surprise when I got out into the big, wide world and people thought I was trying to tell them they were wrong about their opinions just because I was trying to discuss the other point of view! I found it disheartening and annoying and started keeping my opinions to myself.
However...
Earlier tonight I was strolling through Fetlife and I stumbled across a discussion that really inspired me to want to Say Something! I am writing about it here because my opinion is likely to be too lengthy to be a comment on that post, (which if you are a member of Fetlife you can read here.) The discussion in question is entitled "Reality check? Entitlement, disclosure, & the 'trans' hypno-fetishist" and covers whether or not a person who is trans-gender should be required to inform their potential hypno play-partner of their trans-gender state. A recent book on erotic hypnosis, Mind Play, states that yes, they should, and there are reasons abounding both for and against this opinion playing out in the comments. (Extremely well-written comments presented by people having a discussion and not necessarily an argument!) I won't go into those opinions, I will merely present my own.
Yes. They should. But they shouldn't have to. It's a slap in the face to have to say "I identify as a woman but I have (or once had) the physical attributes of a man" to someone, it's a step backward in someone's personal journey of gender identity to have to fight to be accepted for what they know they are, because it is fact, rather than opinion that leads them to identify as female.
But it is also fact, not opinion, that many people just don't get it. They think that one day Sally woke up and thought to herself, "You know, being a woman really sucks. I think I'll try being a man now." They think that when Sally gets tired of being Steve she can just change her mind and go back to being Sally again. Which means that when they find out that the person with whom they have forged a highly personal and intimate connection with through hypnosis is trans-gender they feel betrayed because they think the other person lied to them about what gender they are. They think that they've been made the butt of a joke. They think that the trans-gender person has been pretending to be something they are not, rather than someone whose anatomy has a truly terrible sense of humor.
I believe that it is foolish for someone who is trans-gender not to disclose this fact to their prospective playmate, because if they do make a meaningful and intimate connection with the other person then they had better be damn sure that their new friend isn't creeped out or wouldn't feel lied to about it. And with the level of ignorance that exists at this time it would be nearly impossible to have that discussion without bringing their own gender identity into it. Also, should a public relationship form, it's just irresponsible to put the non trans person potentially in the position of having to defend them in public without knowing what they are talking about.
Historically, the burden of societal change has fallen on the oppressed. So, yes, it absolutely sucks that, due to the rampant ignorance and fear of the general public, a trans person should have to out themselves to prospective play partners, but until such time as we are all educated and informed about what it is to be trans-gendered it is necessary. It's hard to be the pioneer. It's a terrible burden to have to be the one educating the ignorant. But it has to be done. Because most people can't accept something new without it becoming familiar, and the only way for that to happen is for the unfamiliar to expose itself to public scrutiny.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
The Experience of Feeling Normal (aka Friday night at WEEHU)
I am, in the words of every person, every where, who has ever started a blog, then ignored it in favor of other life events, really REALLY sorry that I disappeared for (gulp) 7 months. +/- 10 days. Or so. I have a list of excuses that work well for me, I'm happy with them and will continue to use them in the future, the chief of which being that I had a lot of changes in my everyday life happen all at once and I don't handle change that well, so it took me quite awhile to get my feet back under me.
Or possibly it just took something really special to motivate me.
So (please refer to earlier blogs and reacquaint yourself with my tendency to over-use the word "so") this weekend was "WEEHU" the WEstern Erotic Hypnosis Unconference. And it was AMAZING. Who knew that all it would take to feel "normal" would be to spend a weekend surrounded by people often categorized by society in general as "abnormal"? I have come to the conclusion that any time you get a community of people together that collectively is more creative and intelligent than average it will be inevitable that all the dimmer lights surrounding them will be blinded. Or something like that. I am also REALLY tired! So much of this non-pre-thought-out rambling will be neither original nor linear, but I can live with that.
Here is the anatomy of my weekend. After working many, many days in a row in order to justify taking a lot of time off in a small period of time, I met up with my trusted traveling companions (thanks to Skyla and Naj for not, as my brother put it, reenacting the Saw movies with me) to drive to San Francisco. Thankfully we were starting off in Portland, so it was a very manageable drive. We had dinner, then got on the road and drove all night (Halloween night,) and got to our breakfast meet up by 9-ish. Skyla and Naj went along without me to pick people up at the airport, and I had the pleasure of enjoying a wonderful sunshiny afternoon outside by myself, which frankly I really needed after all that working! Then I got to commute the rest of the way with the wonderful Felix Krull, who MAY have tranced me a little bit on the way, something I have been looking forward to for weeks. This weekend was actually the first time that I've ever had the opportunity to experience any hypnosis with a living, breathing human that I could reach out and touch, so I had a little impromptu list in my head of all the things I wanted to experience. Traveling-trance: check!
That evening was the meet and greet and open halloween play party at The Citadel. Is there a better place to have a costume party than a Dungeon? I don't think so! With that said, there weren't as many people in costume as I had hoped. I am by nature not a 'mixer' (or a blender or a food processor) and spent most of the time sticking by the people I knew and letting them introduce me to the people they knew. I lasted about 3 hours before being tired enough that I felt like I might pass out, and left to get some actual sleep. Anyone I met Friday night, when I was covered in crystals and hopefully not looking as lost and out-of-place as I felt, but never said anything to again, it's most likely because I didn't remember meeting you!
I may <ahem> have gotten to have a wonderful experience outside of the play party that night which ultimately led to me getting a wonderful night of sleep. Slept straight through 'til morning, which, as readers of this blog will know, is HIGHLY unusual, so pretty much the best first night of my first live get-together weekend EVER!
NOTE: I started this Monday night, and it is now Tuesday afternoon and I find I'm having trouble writing it because it has sparked so many different ideas for other posts! So hooray for that! I will work on the rest of the specific WEEHU post offline and then post when it is more coherent. For now, a million thanks to everyone who organized WEEHU and made it possible for me to attend. The experience of feeling like a normal human, accepted and welcomed by the people around me, is one of the most priceless memories that I will ever have and I cannot really express how much it means to me.
Or possibly it just took something really special to motivate me.
So (please refer to earlier blogs and reacquaint yourself with my tendency to over-use the word "so") this weekend was "WEEHU" the WEstern Erotic Hypnosis Unconference. And it was AMAZING. Who knew that all it would take to feel "normal" would be to spend a weekend surrounded by people often categorized by society in general as "abnormal"? I have come to the conclusion that any time you get a community of people together that collectively is more creative and intelligent than average it will be inevitable that all the dimmer lights surrounding them will be blinded. Or something like that. I am also REALLY tired! So much of this non-pre-thought-out rambling will be neither original nor linear, but I can live with that.
Here is the anatomy of my weekend. After working many, many days in a row in order to justify taking a lot of time off in a small period of time, I met up with my trusted traveling companions (thanks to Skyla and Naj for not, as my brother put it, reenacting the Saw movies with me) to drive to San Francisco. Thankfully we were starting off in Portland, so it was a very manageable drive. We had dinner, then got on the road and drove all night (Halloween night,) and got to our breakfast meet up by 9-ish. Skyla and Naj went along without me to pick people up at the airport, and I had the pleasure of enjoying a wonderful sunshiny afternoon outside by myself, which frankly I really needed after all that working! Then I got to commute the rest of the way with the wonderful Felix Krull, who MAY have tranced me a little bit on the way, something I have been looking forward to for weeks. This weekend was actually the first time that I've ever had the opportunity to experience any hypnosis with a living, breathing human that I could reach out and touch, so I had a little impromptu list in my head of all the things I wanted to experience. Traveling-trance: check!
That evening was the meet and greet and open halloween play party at The Citadel. Is there a better place to have a costume party than a Dungeon? I don't think so! With that said, there weren't as many people in costume as I had hoped. I am by nature not a 'mixer' (or a blender or a food processor) and spent most of the time sticking by the people I knew and letting them introduce me to the people they knew. I lasted about 3 hours before being tired enough that I felt like I might pass out, and left to get some actual sleep. Anyone I met Friday night, when I was covered in crystals and hopefully not looking as lost and out-of-place as I felt, but never said anything to again, it's most likely because I didn't remember meeting you!
I may <ahem> have gotten to have a wonderful experience outside of the play party that night which ultimately led to me getting a wonderful night of sleep. Slept straight through 'til morning, which, as readers of this blog will know, is HIGHLY unusual, so pretty much the best first night of my first live get-together weekend EVER!
NOTE: I started this Monday night, and it is now Tuesday afternoon and I find I'm having trouble writing it because it has sparked so many different ideas for other posts! So hooray for that! I will work on the rest of the specific WEEHU post offline and then post when it is more coherent. For now, a million thanks to everyone who organized WEEHU and made it possible for me to attend. The experience of feeling like a normal human, accepted and welcomed by the people around me, is one of the most priceless memories that I will ever have and I cannot really express how much it means to me.
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